donderdag 1 november 2007

Things that you're liable to read in the Bible stories...

Het is niet mijn bedoeling om deze blog te blijven vullen met ontvangen e-mails, maar deze was wel erg leuk, en aangezien ik nog geen tijd had om nieuw eigen materiaal te schrijven...
 
Wouter.
__________________
 
 
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING.
IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE,
YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS!  

 IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.
KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. 

THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE
WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.

THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.
iNCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.



1.  IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS,

GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD,

SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.


2.  ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE.

NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK.  NOAH BUILT AND ARK

AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.


3.  LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY,

BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.


4.  THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT

HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.


5.  SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE

LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.


6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH

THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.


7.  MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHE RE

THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD

WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS
.


8,  THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.

AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE

TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.


9.  THE FIRST COMMANDMENT WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM

TO EAT THE APPLE.


10.  THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT

 ADMIT ADULTERY.


11.  MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA.

THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.



12.  THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA

TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.


13.  DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING

THE LIAR.  HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS,

A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.


14.  SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES

AND 700 PORCUPINES.


15.  WHEN MA RY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JE SUS,

SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.


16.  WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED

 THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.


17.  JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD

AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

 

18.  ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED

WATER ON HIS HEAD.


19.  JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE,

WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS

BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU.

HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT

LIVE BY SWEAT AL ONE.



20.  IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE

FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET

THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.


21.  THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD

WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.


22.  THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.


23.  ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW

WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.


24.  ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY.

HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS

ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.


25.  CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE.

THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

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